Home Sweet Home…

New june C 2006 002Well, I managed to get through my first full day at home after coming home from surgery.

I have to tell you that it was an extremely long day.  The hardest thing for me to do is to sit still and relax.

You know a few months ago, my days consisted of mostly work, Rick, C.J. and I would leave the house by 7 am and would return home around 9 pm, six/seven days/week.  We are work-aholics, mostly because we love what we do.

From time to time I would be so tired out, that all I would want would be to close all of the blinds in the house, ignore the phone and do absolutely nothing for just one day to recharge.  Well that wish came true and I don’t like it.  The saying goes “the grass is not always greener on the other side”.  I feel my best when I am productive.  I am learning to adjust that the term being productive, means to let my body heal and give it time to recover.  My body might have slowed down from surgery, but my mind is still racing.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining.  I am ever so grateful that the surgery went well and I am home early.  I’m simply just trying to deal with the mental part of it.  I had been given a blood transfusion during surgery, the doc said that I had lost a lot of blood, they had to give me 7 units which is more than normally required.  (thank you to those unknown angels that graciously donate blood)

I love where  I live.  The neighbours are friendly and caring.  I had a few visitors today from a few of them all wishing me a welcome home, so glad I’m doing good.  One neighbour Brent said, “I’m never going to mess with you, you are one strong chick”.  Another neighbour Jim said “you help so many people that you don’t even know”, (he also gave me some movies to watch, how nice) another neighbour Donna, said “welcome home Karrie, looking forward to seeing you working in your garden soon, it looks so beautiful”, a friend Kevin stopped in and dropped off a cd for me to listen to by Amy Grant.  He says the first song’s lyrics make him think of me,  (what a beautiful gesture)  He also told me that his church knows of my story and they invited me to come and talk some Sunday when I am better.  Wow.  (what the heck would I say?)

I will wait a bit later when I am alone in the dark tonight to listen to it so I can really pay attention to the words.  My home-care nurse Vanessa, goes above and beyond to check on me to make sure that I am resting and that I am taking care of myself.   Rick’s Mom called to check on me, Dad called, Mom texted me, my sister emailed me from work, Rick checked in with me a couple of times too just to make sure I was ok.

All I can say is that I AM ONE VERY LUCKY WOMAN in so many aspects.  So many people tell me they love me and that I am special and they have absolutely no idea that it is all of you and them that I fight for.  The word “fight” just doesn’t seem right to use right now considering that I am pretty much confined to my lazy girl chair.  It’s too difficult to get in and out of bed and it’s uncomfortable to sleep in a flat position, pulls too much on my abdomen with the staples still in.  Maybe next week will be better, one day at a time.

For those of you that say that I am strong…. I want to ask you, if you were in my situation, how would you handle it?  To me there is only one choice.  So I have a hard time accepting that I am strong, I am just taking care of business in a totally different way this year. 

As I am typing this note I am thinking to myself that I am proud to have figured out how to pick up a wet bar of soap from the floor with my feet today, (don’t laugh now, just try it, I actually accomplished something!) I also wish I could paint my own toe nails and go for a walk to the local convenience store for some chocolate ice cream.  Those treats will have to wait a couple of weeks.  Baby steps.