Ride The Wave…

Yesterday for Labour Day, my Mom and stepdad Gord invited the immediate family out to their house for lunch.  The weather was cool but we decided to go for a drive down to their newly purchased piece of beach which they have named the Sand Box.  It’s a permanent camp site for them to take their trailer to and they are always guaranteed a great beach view.  I think it’s a pre-retirement gift to themselves or maybe they just decided to have a “screw it” moment like I did when I bought my car.   Live for today, live in the moment.  We had a nice family get together.  

I think I escaped inside my subconcious again while I was at the beach.  This happens often, I think I am paying attention and I am in the present, but my subconcious mind is in overdrive, “over-thinking” or something.  I realized that is was Labour Day.  What does this day mean to me now?  Everything changes once you are diagnosed with cancer.  I may no longer work like I used to, but I was having a mini celebration with myself, to celebrate Labour Day.  I have been “working” at a new job this year.   2010 has been a year of work for me alright.  Working to be strong, in mind, in body and in spirit.  I am working on being a better me…. a fighting machine to kill this beast inside me.   I am working to stay alive.  I never thought I would have to think about this last sentence.   Working to stay alive.  It’s not about a weekly pay cheque any more. 

I have come to a decision with my treatment.  In the photo below, my Mom’s shirt says it all….. “Ride The Wave”…. meaning that I am going to “wait and see”  rather than start chemo back up this week.   

Ride the wave

 I am going to allow myself some more healing time for the next month and a half until my next CT scan.  After that scan I will have new data to consider at that point.  I admit that I am terrified of my choice yet I am confident with my choice as well.  I know this doesn’t make any sense, but that’s what cancer is.  Unpredictable and no guarantees.  A friend of mine told me once that none of us are born with an expiration date on our feet.  I just hope that with the choice I have made that it doesn’t put me past the “best before date”.      

Here are a few photos from the Sand Box.  Thank you Rick and Mom for always having my back, for helping me through the waves of treatment, the ups and downs, the good days and bad ones, the “poor me moments” and the “screw cancer moments”. 

DSC04877Kar & Rick at sandbox Sep 10This hospital photo was taken in December just after my first surgery and when the Big C arrived into my life.  Time to get to work… boy have “we” come a long way… it’s September already!  I’ve got to prove those statistics wrong !

 

I’ll protect you from those angry looking waves Rick…. it’s my turn!

 

Kar & Mom at sandbox