What’s my secret?

I get asked this question a lot as well as some others such as…  How can you always be so positive?  How is it that you are the one with cancer and you are the one that is helping us, or how do you simply just deal with it and cope?  Do you have any idea how much you affect people in your life?

Although these are wonderful questions, I have to admit that they are very hard for me to digest really.  I don’t think of myself as any different from anyone in my life.  When I get asked these questions I always try at the end of the day in my quiet alone time to come up with some good responses…. you know, a response that one would expect to hear, like “I pray”, “I soul search”, “I educate myself with this disease”, “I’m eating healthy”, “I’m exercising”…..blah, blah, blah.   (yes these are all true, but like I said… blah, blah…)

Here it is. 

My secret. 

It’s the same thing every morning.

I open my eyes, stretch out the kinks in my body, put my feet to the floor, bend over to greet my dog C.J. with a “good morning bubba” comment  & kiss her on the nose… and as I stand back up I say really loud inside my head  “F**K CANCER”.    Sorry if this disappoints, but seriously, this comment starts each day off with a great fighting attitude and points me in the right direction to make plans to do something productive with the day.   

It’s funny that none of the anti-cancer books I’ve been reading suggest to do this. 

It sure helps me!!!    

So….tomorrow I find out the bone scan results, and yes… I will start the day off with my morning ritual and on these kind of days when I am anxiously hanging out in a doctor’s office waiting room…. I do tend to chant those 2 words a few more times than “than the usual” as I wait for my name to be called to see the doc.    (to me it’s a big waist of time waiting and waiting in the doctor’s office, so I make it productive and repeat those words as often as needed)  Where is the doc’s prescription pad?  May I suggest “say the words once daily” or “take as often as needed”… and please …. don’t forget to make sure that you give me repeats!

The last few times I’ve met with my oncologist, she has said… “you look absolutely great”, and “you are such a strong woman”…. I don’t share my secret with her…. (I tell her it must be the green tea) ….. I just keep my secret to myself with a little grin going on inside my head as I say those two words again before we start talking the cancer talk.

It’s kind of ironic that the day I will get the results, it will be exactly one year since I first went to the emergency dept with my first onset of  symptoms… to think, I just needed to go to the bathroom and look what’s happened since?   Like I said…. “F**k cancer !”