Out of nowhere…

Last night I cried myself to sleep.  Why?  I have no idea.  I had a good day and an even better night.  I had absolutely no reason to cry.  The tears came out of nowhere.  They didn’t last long, but long enough to get my pillow a little wet.  I have been reading some cancer books to try to educate myself and all that could come to mind was something that I read a few months ago.

Apparently our subconscious mind is a lot stronger than our conscious mind.    At times they may not even communicate with each other.  Well on that note, apparently my subconcious just had enough and had to release.  I guess the fact that my first year anniversary date of “survivorship” is soon approaching.  If I could tap into my subconcious or eavesdrop on what it might say…. I would think it might go a little like this……. reflecting back to Jan 4, 2010….. hearing the following words from my first meeting with an oncologist.   You have stage 4, terminal cancer, if you do chemo you may live a “long time”, perhaps 2 years or so.    I cannot believe that half of that time has already been spent. 

So far I have beat some of the odds and I have done really well so my conscious mind allows me to be strong, eat well, exercise and take care of me to “manage” this cancer.

However I guess my subconscious mind will never forget the prognosis.  Will it ever heal?  I sure hope so.