Make the time…

So since hearing the good news and getting the green light for the operation, my mind has been in over-drive, big time.  I got to get this done, I have got to get that done, go here, go there, pick this up, drop this off…. manic!    STOP.  

If the roller coaster year of a year, 2010, has taught me anything… it’s simply that the world continues on just fine without you.  That was hard for me to adjust to.  We all like to think that nothing will be done right if we don’t take it upon ourselves to take care of things, of everything.  We are our own worst enemy.  

I still struggle today with this part of  my personality.  I am learning to stop & qualify what is important to me first.  Normally I run on auto-pilot, but that is unhealthy.  I need and want to be in the present, in the moment to make everything I do count.

If something is not good for me, either physically, nutritionally or emotionally, I refer to it as “cancerous” and I simply do not make room for or allow it to be part of my life any longer.

So here’s what I am getting at.   I think it’s probably natural to try to get as much done as I can before I am out of commission for several weeks.  Things like laundry, housework, pay bills, give my dog a salon makeover by myself, etc. etc.   Yuck.  Although I like to do all these things, they shouldn’t stress me out, because they will wait for me.  And besides I can do all these things after I am home from the hospital, by maybe in a modified version, they will still get done eventually.

Today is my dear friend Dana’s birthday.  She has now joined the 40 & fabulous club with me.  Congratulations my fellow cancer fighting, kick ass, survivor girlfriend!  40 is going to be great for both of us. 

A friend of Dana’s  (whom I have never met) invited me via Facebook to share brunch with a few friends this morning to celebrate Dana’s birthday with her and maybe go to a yoga class afterward.  

The old me (that I constantly fight with) was thinking, oh my.. I’ve got so much crap to get done before surgery, I don’t know, I think I’m too busy.  REWIND.  Forget the crap, I am going.  Spending time with friends and taking time to meet new friends is way more important!   Why doesn’t this thought come to my mind first so I don’t have to argue with that old part of me all of the time. Ugh.  It can get so exhausting sometimes, it should be an easy, obvious choice.

So breakfast was yummy, a healthy frittata with salsa fresca and a green tea, don’t forget the mimosa!  Then off to yoga we went.  My first yoga class ever.  I am definitely going back for more once I recover.  I have always wanted to try a class and I’m so glad that I went.  My goal was to learn some breathing exercises to help me with pre-surgery anxiety for the next few days, and also to help me focus when I am wheeled into the cold operating room.  I need to be able to zone out, or should I say zone “in”…. to mentally focus on providing oxygen to every cell to keep me healthy and to divide and grow with no cancer.  I think I learned a few tools today, at least I am going to try them out and practice.  I am sure it will help with pain relief after the fact as well.  I don’t do well with narcotics or any drug for that matter, I tend to have a high pain tolerance and do best with the “tough it out” method.

The instructor Collette says to us in class, stretch this body part out, feel this, feel that, open your hands, concentrate on your breathing and find your comfortable state of “un”-comfortable.  I did it!!  I have muscles that I didn’t know exist because they sure woke up during class, they were twitching like crazy, like they were saying where the heck is she, why is she letting someone do this to us?  Huh!  My turn to take over this temple, I am the boss now.  LOL.  One breath at a time, I am determined to not only survive… but thrive!

I want to extend a special thank you to Sue and Fannie, two new angel friends that I met today.  Thank you for your support and encouragement. 

I am going to end this post with a quote from author Kris Carr (I am reading one of her books right now, she is a fellow cancer survivor)… these words of her’s I actually repeat to myself a lot….

“I am the CEO of a new company… it’s called Save My Ass Inc.”