I stepped aside…

Well hello there.  Before you get started on me…. let me explain where I have been and what I have been up to.  I know it’s been quite some time since I last wrote and I just realized that it’s actually been a month and a half.   Please do not worry, I am doing good.  Thanks to my sister’s urging, I finally sat down today to take a breather and chat with you.  I can visualize my sis right now, sitting in her comfy fave p.j. bottoms and sweatshirt, the kids in bed and she’s thinking… it’s about time Kar!  You know the saying, time flies when you are having fun.  Have I been having fun?  Sure I have.  Most days. 

So basically I have to be honest with you.  I simply just stepped aside.  I absolutely love writing on my blog but I got to a point that I just didn’t know what to write about, my brain became kind of empty for lack of a better word.  No one wants to hear the regular blah, blah, blah about who I met for coffee, what I wore today, and silly unimportant things.  I felt I reached a point that I just didn’t have any more to share.  I was at a point that I was recovering quite well from surgery and just wanted to let life happen at it’s own pace.  Living with cancer always seems to be a life in fast forward with a broken rewind button because there is so much that I want to cram in and do while I am healthy and not look back.  I wish I could be at a point where I didn’t think about this cancer crap on a daily basis, but I’m just not there yet.  Now I ask myself, will that day ever arrive?

I took a break from writing because I noticed that I began trying too hard to make life interesting so that I could come home and plunk myself in front of my laptop and get busy to share with you.  I don’t want to force life experiences.  I have never been much of a planner, I work best on just wingin’ it, going with the flow.  Sure we all have our regular routines and schedules, but for the most part I find that some of the best days are the days that we don’t plan. 

Take for instance this weekend.  Saturday morning was a foggy blah day outside, I had absolutely no plans.  Before I knew it, it was bed time and I had spent the afternoon with Dad.  Us gardeners went for our annual trip to Leamington to the greenhouses.  Let’s just say we were in colour heaven!  We visited a couple of different greenhouses this year and also some roadside small veggie stands in front of people’s houses.  We filled up the back of the truck with several hanging baskets and I picked up a couple of elephant ear plants and red banana tree plants for around the pool this year.  We also picked up some fresh veggies, nothing like those huge beefsteak Leamington tomatoes!  Dad was planning his first real toasted BLT sandwich of the season. The old me would have snacked on a donut or two with a diet coke chaser for the drive home, but the new me crunched on a very green fresh mini cucumber with a bottle of water to wash it down.  Yummy!   Cucumbers?  See the compromises I make?  Who would have thunk?  The new me may have gone green, but I’m still thinking chocolate, all the time.  We arrived back in Chatham and me, Dad and Rick enjoyed dinner out.  Sunday morning arrived and again no plans.   It rained heavy all day.  Non-stop.  At lunch time I put on my flip flops and took a bag of garbage outside.  Yep, I slipped on the slippery wood deck.  In retrospect I should have let myself fall on my ass, but no, I tried to catch my balance totally forgetting that abdominal strength would have been needed.  Let’s just say that I still hurt today, a day later.  I stretched or pulled my insides.  Just when I was getting cocky thinking I am doing just awesome… well, this happens.  It’s just a minor setback, well let’s just hope so and I suppose that setback is probably too strong of a word, I am just relaxing today taking it easy to heal up. All I can replay in the back of my head is my surgeon’s words…. you are very prone to hernias because you’ve had so much work done internally to your abdomen, you need to be careful, and I don’t even want to hear the word “exercise” out of your mouth until you’ve reached the 3 month point post-surgery.  June can’t come fast enough for me, I want to get back to my fun, energizing Zumba dance classes.  There I go again, living life in fast forward! 

Back to my unplanned weekend.  Sunday started with brunch out, a ferry ride across the Detroit river for some shopping in the states, meeting my cousin Mark & his wife Ruthie at Caeasar’s casino in Windsor.  But before we arrived in Windsor, I noticed there was a voicemail message on my cell phone from my family doctor… on a Sunday evening around 5 pm….. Oh my God…  a call on a Sunday?  This could only be bad news, right?  My heart was racing.  Message checked.  Bloodwork results from my annual check up, not cancer related bloodwork.  Things look pretty good, but your iron is low again.  This explains my tiredness and grey circles under my eyes.  Low iron has been my new normal since 70% of my liver was removed, so back on the iron pills again.  No biggie….. Phew!  …and just to get off track here for a moment…. I went for my annual physical last week.  I really don’t know why I bother.  You know the whole pap test thing?  Like what’s the worse thing they are going to tell me?  You have stage 4 cancer?  Been there, done that….. ughh!  I had it done anyway, but the 2 hour stay in the waiting room was 2 hours I won’t ever get back.  We all know how I feel about waiting rooms. 

We were able to get tickets to see Chicago (the band).  They were playing at the casino.  It was a great show!  My cancer brain was of course paying attention to certain lyrics like for example… sing with me now…. “you bring meaning to my life, you’re the in…spir…a..tion….”… and “I wanna have you near me”…. and so on.  I played the slots and rouellette and took some of Caeasar’s money home…. yeah baby, that felt great, so shopping earlier in the day was like “free”.  No guilt here.  I absolutely love my impulse buy… a black leather jacket with a little bit of pink leather designs in it… you know… perfect for those motorcyle rides Rick’s going to take me on if this rain ever stops!  Thank you Rick for negotiating a nice price with the retailer!  The pink leather parts are floral tribal like and what I like best is that on the back it has a pink leather bull’s head.  I celebrated my 41st birthday last week.  I am a Taurus through and through and the sign of the Taurus is the bull. (Stubborn bull you say?  Yes, me… stubborn!) It’s like the jacket was made just for me!  It’s form fitting along the waste (now that I have one thanks to cucumber snacking LOL) with criss cross leather laces on the sleeves, on the back and on the waste.  I can’t wait to go for a cruise!  I love riding on the back of the bike, I feel so free!  I finished the look off with a bandana for my head.  Of course it’s pink too but the best part is that it has these words on it …. “Crazy Bitch”.   Come on now, you must agree, I couldn’t leave it there.

I am energized to write again.  I have things to share from my journey this past month… looking forward to chatting with you soon.  My bum is sore from sitting, so time to get up and get busy.  Poor Rick, I am attempting to cook tonight for us.  Thank you for reading today and for those of you that I have not seen or spoken with, I didn’t mean to make you worry.   Life is great!