Been two months…

I took a break from blogging.  I am good, just been detached from cancer, at least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself of.  In all honesty, it never leaves my mind.  Summer was great.  I’ve been enjoying myself and I seem to be in a great rythym right now with balancing the want to’s with the have to’s.  I’ve been feeling really good, so good that it kind of scares the crap out of me.  I just don’t want the rug pulled from under my feet again, so I try to keep things real.  It sucks that I think I have to allow cancer to motivate me to take care of myself each and every day.  Why can’t I just think like everyone else, you know the thoughts of  “it won’t happen to me”.   The last 2 weeks have been nerve wracking as I went for my 3 month bloodwork appointment and I will be getting the results this Monday in London with my oncologist.  I’ve been a mess inside, but I don’t show it on the outside.  I am pretty good at internalizing my fears & anxieties, however there is one person that knows the very instant that I start internally hiding.  I can’t hide anything from him.  He knows me inside and out.  Rick.  I mean Rock.  He calls me on it, and it’s a good thing.  I can talk things out, he always listens and never complains if I repeat myself a gazillion times.  He is coming with me this time to the doctor.  I am so grateful for him each and every day.

Over the last week I have run into a few people that I really don’t know very well, but they know of me and called me on my lack of blogging lately.  I am overwhelmed to learn just who reads this thing!  Each one of them said they need a fix and I should write again.  Thank you’s to each of them for inspiring me to get back at it.  I actually have been blogging, but it’s internal blogging.  I tend to write things in my head at night before I fall to sleep or in the early mornings between when I wake up on my own before the alarm clock goes off.   So I think that I have blogged for the day.  I know that seems silly doesn’t it, but it’s the truth.  The sad thing is that I come up with some pretty good things too from time to time, and it’s even more sad that my chemo brain doesn’t remember them by the time I get to the computer.   LOL

I’ll try to come back more often to visit with you.   There is a lot riding on next week’s appointment and once I get the results, I will share.

xo  Thanks for coming back!  I’ve missed you too.