The next step…

I can’t believe that I have been absent from blogging for almost one month.  So sorry.  I guess this chemo treatment is affecting me in more ways than I thought.  I just have been in the right frame of mind to write, concentrating on just getting through each week.  One week of chemo, one week off, back on chemo for a week, one week off, up hill, down hill, up another hill, down another hill.  The side effects have been tolerable but I wish I didn’t have to poison myself.  It’s just so nasty!  I can’t describe it really.  The issue this week is my right hand, wrist and arm and oddly enough, my right ear.  I just hurt.  Best way to describe it is like a sprain, a jolt of ouch when I move my hand a certain way.  I have adapted to eating with my left hand with a fork.  I find it difficult to turn my right wrist in the motion required to eat and it’s just not flattering for a lady to hold a fork like a shovel, so I adapt to being a lefty until the hurt goes away, if it does. 

I see my oncologist tomorrow.  Bloodwork first and then we will learn the results of last week’s MRI to see what my stupid liver has to say.  I have mixed feelings of the pending results.  I don’t know how to feel.  If the tumours have shrunk, I will likely be offered surgery to remove them.  A very risky surgery.  Much different from the last one.  I may have to face the most difficult decision of my life tomorrow.  Rick will be with me, thankfully.  He can digest every word from the doctor in case her voice turns into Charlie Brown’s mother’s voice to me and I tune out from reality.  After we meet with my doctor we will make our way to the chemotherapy unit for round number 5.   Only 7 more to go after this one.  Listen to me… using the word “only”.  Seven is a lot.  Yuck.

I have been very nauseated during the chemo weeks.  I spend most of the week on the couch, or in bed and definitely near a bathroom.  In fact today is toilet cleaning day to prepare for chemo week.  I’m kind of a princess that way, need a sparkling toilet if my face is going to be near it.  Just sayin’.  All three of them in the house will be sparkling.  My priorities change day to day. 

I am already gagging just thinking about tomorrow.  Maybe it’s time to close this post so I can free my mind of the pending yuck, the pending good news, the pending bad news.  I just want to get tomorrow out of the way so I know what direction our lives our headed in.   For now, it’s Sunday night, 8 pm and I am escaping into the television and enjoying on watching a special primetime concert with Adele.

Her songs are certainly not short of feelings either and really enjoy her music.

Good night for now.  I will let you know of tomorrow’s test results as soon as I can.

Hugs, Karrie