Being An Auntie…

Dear Mommy, it’s Brooklyn.  Thank you for asking Aunt Karrie to take care of me for four days while you are working and before school starts next week.  I am excited to start Grade One, but I am even more excited to spend so much time with Kucka or Aunt Karrie.  I like to call her Kucka still because she calls me Peanut and I told her I like that.

Our morning started off with a kiss and hug hello of course.  She asked me if I wanted to take her doggie C.J. out for a walk with her.  I said yes.  She let me hold the leash the whole time.  It was a cute leash, had happy smiley faces all over it in bright multiple colours.  Kucka told me I did a great job.  It was so nice outside that Kucka said she wanted to enjoy some more fresh air and sunshine so we dropped C.J. off at her house because she was panting and tired because she is getting old.  Kucka helped me put on my bicycle helmet and I got to ride my pink princess bike to the corner store and she walked along beside me.  We had to return a rented movie that she watched yesterday.  You should watch it.  She said it was a beautiful love story called The Vow.  She also said something about a “chick flick”, but I didn’t ask her what that means.  She also bought us a treat at the store.  I got to choose, she said no candy because sugar isn’t so good for me, so I picked out Pringles chips.  Salt and vinegar ones.  Mmmm.  I also got to buy some bubble gum.  You know the big pink pieces called Hubba Bubba.

When we arrived back to her house we shared the chips together and watched a kid’s movie called Coraline.  It was a little bit scary for me but I liked it because Kucka snuggled under a blanket with me.  She says we can swim in her pool after the movie and then we will have some lunch.  I am sorry I had some chips before lunch.  It was only a few because they made me thirsty.  Kucka has yummy juice, blueberry/watermelon.  I sure do like going her.  Oh yeah, on my bike ride home from the store, I saw a few squirrels, we don’t see them much at our house in the country, I also got to pet two different dogs too.  One was brown named Tucker and the other one was white named Zoe, she looked like Nana Lyn’s little dog, I liked her the best.  Kucka told me that I should be polite and ask the doggie’s Mommies if I could pet them so I did, she said it also was a way to double check if the doggies were friendly and liked kids.

I wore my water wings even though I my toes can finally touch the bottom of the shallow end.  I love jumping in and out of the pool and I am not afraid if my head goes under the water at all.  Kucka says she is going to show me how to do somersaults in the water.  I really love swimming, but I don’t like it when a bug is floating in the pool around me.  I think they drowned, I just splash them away.

Kucka asked me what I wanted for lunch.  I didn’t feel like noodles with hamburger that she made  because I like peanut butter and jam sandwiches better.  She made me one and toasted the bread too and cut it diagonally.  She also gave me a bowl of fresh cut strawberries that matched the jam, it was delicious.

As soon as lunch was done my day was getting even better.  Kucka said I didn’t have to have an afternoon nap today.  Awesome!  She is going to take me for a ride in her fun car that she calls it.  You know the one that doesn’t have a roof on it.  I love singing to the music in the car with her and I wore my sunglasses and sat in my pink Tinker Bell booster seat that we borrowed from Nana Lyn.  My long hair blows all over the place in that car but that’s okay.  I like to watch Kucka drive and sing.

She took me to the movie theatre to watch a kid’s movie.   It was called The Odd Life of Timothy Green.  It was a good movie and we shared some popcorn because you know that Kucka loves popcorn and that is always our special treat that we share when I go to her house.  I got a Kinder Surprise too.  After the movie we walked over to a craft store and looked at all kinds of stuff.  She bought me a colouring sticker book that I can play with tomorrow when I go to her house again.

I liked the movie but I’m not sure if Kucka did. I think I heard her sniffle a little bit like she might have been crying.  I didn’t say or ask her about it.  I let it go.  We were both wearing pink today.  She wore a pink and white bandana on her head, said it was too hot to wear her pretend hair that I like to play dress up with.  My shirt said LOVE TO DANCE and a man in the parking lot asked me if I liked to dance because his granddaughter did.  He was nice and Kucka talked with him a bit and smiled and giggled.  She said he was a stranger but he was a nice one.  I held Kucka’s hand a lot today, she told me that she meets nice kinds of strangers each and every day and says that some of them are angels.  I can’t wait until tomorrow when I get to go to Kucka’s house again.

Dear Brooklyn,  it’s Kucka.

I am sure that you likely won’t read this until you are a big girl, because you are just starting Grade One soon and will be learning how to read.  I hope your Mommy shares this with you some day.  Sometimes looking at photographs from when we are little just doesn’t tell the whole story.  I wish more than ever that you will remember some of these memories that we are creating and that you will always know that I love being your Auntie and I especially love when you hold my hand and accidentally call me Mommy sometimes. 

Yes I did get teary eyed at the movies with you.  My intention was to treat you to a fun kid’s movie and to giggle with you which we did.  I guess if you are reading this you will understand what I am about to say.  You know that I am sick but just how sick I don’t know if you being six years old really gets what this thing called cancer that I am fighting is all about.  You know that the medicine is really strong and has made my hair fall out and you know that some days I am not up for company and sleepovers.  I am glad that you are too young to  know just how difficult this cancer disease is and what might happen to me. 

You see, this movie had a really good story that I probably looked too deep into.  The main character in the movie is about a special little boy.  I kind of felt like I was just like that special little guy.  He was only with his family for a short time.  He had leaves on his legs and they started to fall off like the trees loose their leaves in the fall.  Once all of his leaves left his body he had to go away forever.  His parents were very sad but they were very very happy that they were able to love a little boy and learn from him and have him love them back even more.  Before he went away, he gave each person that he loved a very special gift.  He gave those people one of his leaves, wrapped it up in a very special box for them.  I was really relating to the story because sometimes I feel like I am loosing my leaves and I can’t stop them from falling off.  I want to always be a beautiful strong tree.  I know my roots are strong and I can handle many a rough storm but we just don’t know how many seasons I will be able to share with you.  That is what makes me the most sad at times.  I try really really hard to keep my sad thoughts away from you, because that wouldn’t be fair.  I can handle enough hurting for the both of us so that is my little gift to you.  I would do anything for you and for your sister DeeDee and every person that I love as much as you.  You make me feel so special every time I get to spend the time with you. 

When I decided to take you to that movie, I honestly didn’t know what the story was about.  I just knew it would be a good kid’s movie to see together.  The bus load of daycare kids proved I made the right choice.  The theatre was full.  The really ironic thing that I think made me get teary eyed is what happened before you even knew we were going to the movies.  When we were on our way back to my house from the store earlier that morning, you kept stopping your bike and said that you wanted to collect leaves and put them in a book to keep them nice.  Right now I have to stop typing and take a breath and exhale because I feel like I’ve been holding my breath to get all these words out through my finger tips on the keyboard on the computer.  I am sorry I am crying again.  At least you can’t see or hear my sniffling this time.   I hope you are able to recognize the angels in our life like I have been able to.  I believe you were meant to talk to me about leaves today and we were meant to see that movie today together.  I think it was a way for one of my guardian angels to speak through you to teach me a lesson.  I think that lesson today was to remind me that it’s okay to cry sometimes, I have to let go and release my feelings so that I can make room for better feelings. 

Every time I make a memory with you and your sister and your cousins it sometimes makes me sad inside even though I am really happy on the outside.  I get sad because I don’t know if my wish will come true to simply be with you when you grow into a woman and have children of your own.  I would love to be a Great Auntie.  I know I am a good one, but I can only imagine being a great one!

I love you always and forever,

Your Kucka

xo