Sign from above?

Today is day #3 of “thinking”.  I have been asking my family and some of my friends for their opinions and I have been researching like crazy on the internet, at times I feel more lost than not, but ultimately I need to come to a course of action in the next few days.  Why is this so hard?  Oh yeah, that’s right……. it’s cancer.  This is my life that I am deciding about.  It’s not a question about whether I want to live or die.   Although I am not afraid of death, I am just not ready for it yet, the decision is about “quality of life” I guess.  Do I tough it out for a few more months and put my body through all that poison and destruction or do I give myself a break and allow my body and mind to heal until the scans and tests “talk” to me.  Ughh.   Although I don’t always tell everyone close to me exactly how bad I feel sometimes (I am great at hiding my feelings, especially pain,  sometimes not a good trait)  I always put others needs in front of mine, especially if it comes to sparing them emotional distress.   For that reason alone, I am thinking that is why it’s so hard for me to make this decision because it doesn’t just affect me. 

So here is what I am thinking about this morning.  I’m taking off my pj’s to get dressed for the day, for some reason I happen to be standing in front of the mirror.  I hate mirrors lately, because the woman I see looking back at me is not the external version of me.  She has very short dark brown hair (instead of long blonde curly hair) with more grey peaking through than she cares to acknowledge, and most importantly her entire abdomen has been, let’s say, re-designed.  She has two very large scars.  The first scar is a vertical line that starts half way between her ribs and belly button and it goes all the way down to her private area.  The second scar is a V-shape.  It runs across horizontally from the left to the ride side of her tummy with the v-peak exactly in the center just at the rib line.  When she looks at both scars (sees the big picture) as one scar, it looks like a huge arrow… an arrow pointing upward.  So does this arrow mean to think with your head or think with your heart or put your trust in devine intervention, or all three?  Where exactly does this arrow point to?