I’m goin’ crazy…

How much longer can I hold my breath, or keep this anxiety at bay?

This is not fun…. I am already fighting the sugar monster on a moment-to-moment basis and I have been quite successful at keeping her/him away…(trust me, this is one strong, wicked monster, but I’m winning however it still sucks all the mental energy out of me) … BUT  come on now…. I was all geared up yesterday to finally hear the results of the scan, ringer on as high as it could go on my cell phone just to ensure I didn’t miss “the call”. 

Well, after leaving a couple of voicemail messages to Nurse Paul…. he called me at 4:00 pm with an apology.  (and here I am apologizing back to him also for being so impatient)  What is wrong with me?  This is not a “did I get the job” question I need answering.  Oh well, that’s me, guess it has to be  a good quality.  I am proud to be a chronic people pleaser, and I am still learning that I should come first, but that’s a whole other topic. 

I am sorry honey, but we just don’t have any results yet, but we are anxiously waiting to see them too, your case raises our eyebrows, so as soon as we know, we will call you.  Is this a “canned” response to keep nervous cancer patients at bay to keep their stress level down, or am I really that special?  Who knows.

It’s likely that we won’t have any news to report until the end of the week.  So the scanxiety continues…. hopefully I can win the fight not to immediately go out and buy a big container of ice cream and a soup ladle to scarf it down.  I won’t, but you bet your ass I am thinking about it!

I just pray that the “expert tech” that I have been waiting for to read the scans is at the top of his game when my file gets to the top of his daily task list.  I hope he doesn’t call in sick, I hope he is not replaced with someone who hates his job or drank too much the night before.  So… yes, I will wait a few more days if it ensures that the right person reviews the scans.  I am headed out for my morning swim so I can think my way into more craziness, I mean get my daily exercise.