Archive for November, 2010
Yesterday was a super day, have to admit, it sure was nice to wake up this morning… with the same “bad” attitude and the “ritual” of course, but with a much deeper inhale and exhale.Â
I went to my weekly Zumba dance/exercise class last night and after the class I was all warmed up and I just had to do a cartwheel.Â A very, very rusty one however, but I did it!!!!Â Â And just for insurance, I did one more after it.Â My body is paying for it today for sure…. was not easy on the abdomen..still only at about 75% since surgery.. been a long haul…. but it was easy on my mind, and in my head, it was the most graceful cartwheel ever!Â
Enjoy your day friends!Â Â Thank you for your continued prayers, positive “pushes” and healing thoughts…. they are working!
The word “negative” has to be the best “positive” word a girl could hear today !!!
It’s a cartwheel kind of day…. yeah baby !!!!Â Â Â Â
Never mind… I’m not in the mood right now for you…. chat with ya later !
I get asked this question a lot as well as some others such as…Â How can you always be so positive?Â How is it that you are the one with cancer and you are the one that isÂ helping us, or how do you simply just deal with it and cope?Â Do you haveÂ any idea how much you affect peopleÂ in yourÂ life?
Although these are wonderful questions, I have to admit that they are veryÂ hard for me to digest really.Â I don’t think of myself as any different from anyone in my life.Â When I get asked these questions I always try at the end of the day in my quiet alone time to come up with some good responses…. you know, a response that one would expect to hear, like “I pray”, “I soul search”, “I educate myself with this disease”, “I’m eating healthy”, “I’m exercising”…..blah, blah, blah.Â Â Â (yes these are all true, but like I said… blah, blah…)
Here it is.Â
It’s the same thing every morning.
I open my eyes, stretch out the kinks in my body, put my feet to the floor, bend over to greet my dog C.J. with a “good morning bubba” commentÂ & kiss her on the nose… andÂ as I stand back up I say really loud inside my headÂ “F**K CANCER”.Â Â Â Â Sorry if this disappoints, but seriously, this comment starts each day off with a great fighting attitude and points me in the right direction to make plans to do something productive with the day.Â Â Â
It’s funny thatÂ none of the anti-cancer books I’ve been reading suggest toÂ do this.Â
It sure helps me!!!Â Â Â
So….tomorrow I find out the bone scan results, and yes… I will start the day off with my morning ritual and on these kind of days when I am anxiously hanging out in a doctor’s office waiting room…. I do tend to chant those 2 words a few more times than “than the usual” as I wait for my name to be called to see the doc.Â Â Â (to me it’s a big waist of time waiting and waiting in the doctor’s office, so I make it productive and repeat those words as often as needed)Â Where is the doc’s prescription pad?Â May I suggest “say the words once daily” or “take as often as needed”… and please …. don’t forget to make sure that you give me repeats!
The last few times I’ve met with my oncologist, she has said… “you look absolutely great”, and “you are such a strong woman”…. I don’t share my secret with her…. (I tell her it must be the green tea)Â ….. I just keep my secret to myself with a little grin going on inside my head as I say those two words again before we start talking the cancer talk.
It’s kind of ironic that the day I will get the results, it will be exactly one year since I first went to the emergency dept with my first onset ofÂ symptoms… to think, I just needed to go to the bathroom and look what’s happened since?Â Â Like I said…. “F**k cancer !”
Thank you for always being with me.
You are always there to greet me, no matter how I feel, no matter how I look.
You always want to please me, you always listen to me.
You keep my spirits up, you walk with me, you sleep with me, you eat with me, you play with me, you watch TV with me, you always wait for me and you love to come to work with me.
You kiss me, you cuddle with me.
You are so special to me.
Everyone that meets you, remembers your name.
You always bring a smile to my face, and you make other people smile when they see you.
You donâ€™t judge me, you just love me and protect me.
I am supposed to be the caregiver, but I think you do a much better job.
Having you in my life has allowed me to be a “Mom”.
You are my first “baby”.
Happy Birthday C.J. ! (My 13 year old Golden Retriever)
I believe that “Earth Angels” has to be one of the best things I have ever created.
I am so proud of all of us, this wonderful team of people….. together we are “wingin’ it” and we are making a difference!
Thank you all for your continued support.Â I am so very appreciative.
I also personally welcome anyone that wants to join in.Â All you need to do is contact me.Â
We all need each other whether we want to admit it or not.
Yesterday was bone scan #2….. to look further into the area on my upper spine that has appeared since the last scan.Â Â So more scanxiety for a couple of weeks while I wait to hear the results.Â This time for some reason I am not as worried, I don’t know if it’s because I am becoming numb to getting poked and prodded and “stuff”, or maybe it’s just because I feel much stronger in a mental capacity lately.Â I am taking control so to speak now that I am strong enough to exercise and I have been eating good healthy stuff.Â Â NoÂ more combo #1’s for me with a diet coke chaser… Those days are over, they have to be.Â Â It bothers me that even though it’s been 4 months since liver surgery, my abdomen is still not strong enough to handle any bouncy-bouncy type exercising, but walking and swimming every day should get me there.Â At least I am able to work up a sweat on the treadmill by walking fast, so that counts.Â I opened my big mouth to my surgeon and said that I would lose 30 lbs by January (he wants me to drop 20, but I challenged him to 30).Â Yep, I know, stupid.Â I just want this third surgery so bad… to put me back together, I am not letting anything get in my way, and yes, I am referring to that “C” word.
Did you know that if you have a bone scan that you may set off detectors at the border?Â They inject you with some radioactive “stuff” and it can stay in your system for up to 5 days, so if you are going on a trip you need a special certificate.Â It amazes me that our bodies can handle this stuff.Â Â With the scans I have been getting this year, my insides must light up like a Christmas tree.Â Guess my holiday decorating is already done?Â Â
Thank you to my friend Sher for treating me to lunch to pass the time away between my appointments yesterday.Â Your spirit always keeps me smiling… not to mention I smell good with the lotion you gave me too!Â Â Thank you so much!