Make a difference…

Dear Cancer,

Go ahead and ask me what I did this weekend! 

I relayed for life.  My life.  Not your’s.  I will never stop fighting to make you understand that it’s not about you.  It’s about me, it’s about all people who despise you.  Those of us survivors that have to live with you and “manage” you each and every day, and for our co-survivors.  I believe they are the stronger ones.  Stronger than you and  me combined. 

The event started at 7 pm until 7 am.  I am sure you are very familiar with it because at relay you are insignificant.  Not one luminary candle is lit on your behalf, and I know you hate those words like research, prevention, fight back, honour, pray, fundraising, etc.  I was on my feet for most of those twelve hours, listening to feel good, inspirational songs, meeting people, hugging people, all kinds of good stuff.  The only time I stopped was for nutrition breaks, some hot veggie soup, tea, water, fruit, etc.  I walked most of the night.  Why you ask?  Well the answer is simple.  I want to prove to you that you have messed with the wrong woman.  I would walk to the ends of the earth to destroy you if it would work.  I am the one who decides when this body is pushed to it’s physical limits, not you!   When I layed down to sleep at 8 am after the event, I lay totally exhausted, but my eyes were still bright.  I was so proud and I felt so alive with the pains in my abdomen, rubbing my hands over all my scars,  my sore feet, sore legs, sore everything.  I could feel my pulse from the top of my head, in my ear lobes, right down to my feet and toes.  My heart is strong, and my will is even stronger. 

It’s been 1 year, 6 months and 5 days since you entered my life.  During that time I have been very lucky to have support from so many angel friends, yep, you know them, my Earth Angel team-mates.  The ones that help me raise money to destroy you and walk all night with me.  I can now say that I am comfortable admitting that I have made a difference in my lifetime.  I have a legacy now.  You see, in this 1 year, 6 month and 5 day time frame, myself and my angels have raised a total of $30, 333.00 to kick your ass!  You know the saying… things happen in three’s.  How do you like those three’s ???   I love them!  You obviously hate them, so let’s say I double love them, or in keeping with the theme, I triple love them!  Damn that feels good.  In fact in feels better than good!  Thirty thousand is a lot of money, but it’s only the beginning, because I intend on being a relay participant even if I have to be pushed in a chair or towed in a wagon.  I will be there and I will always fight. 

At dusk I was honoured to personally light some luminary candles.  I lit candles that said “In Memory Of”.    You have taken people from me that I love dearly.  My grandparents Emile &  Angeline Roy, my Uncle John Tanner, my Uncle John Rogers, my neighbour and gardening buddy Ruby Goslin, her son Barry Goslin and Rick’s Dad, Rod Wilson.  You need to stop.  I also wore a pink ribbon to honour my dear friend Dana who is currently fighting you also.  

I met a man the same age as me.  His beautiful wife and four children were there with him.  The manager from my local Cdn Cancer Society office introduced us.  He and I have had a very similar relationship with you, no scratch that, journey, nope don’t like that word either, fight, yes, that’s the word of choice.  We have the same scars, the same diagnosis.   It was so nice to meet him and his family.  I hope that when he reads my letter to you today that he will be inspired to write his own letter to you and to keep his internal fire going strong to deal with you no matter what each day brings.  He is going back on chemo because now he is dealing with your marks on his lungs.  Your buddies that we call tumours.  You should just give up.  He is my friend now and you know what that means!  I hope I injected some positive spirit into him and yes, more prayers are being said to destroy you, please God keep my new friend Todd in a safe place, keep him well and let him win this battle!

The air was so damp all night, the full moon lit the track along with all of the luminary candles, it was like one giant candle in the sky.  The fog was lifting from the ground during the very early morning hours.  The sky was turning pink and sun was starting to rise.  I sure felt alive as I was able to witness a brand new day, a new day doing something that makes a difference.  As the event was coming to a close, I listened to several survivor stories, I walked with other survivors, I walked with some neighbours, I walked with my Mom, I walked with my sister, I walked with my friends, I walked with my co-workers, I walked with my cousins, I walked with childhood friends, I walked with strangers, I walked with the spirit of loved ones passed, and I walked with the spirit of people that care for me that were not able to be there in person.

Last night my body needed to sleep for twelve straight hours to recover from what I did to it.  I am still sore today, but it’s only your scars that hurt me, everything else has recovered.  I am about to go to bed again very soon because I have another big day planned for tomorrow.   I have to deal with you again, this time in a different setting.  People hate you there too.  I am going for the hour’s drive to the Cancer Clinic to find out if you have returned.  My doctor is going to review the latest CT scans with me.  I hope you are not snickering right now as you read this because I know that you already know what those results say.  I don’t care.  I feel confident right now and I am not going to allow you to affect my self confidence.  I will do what it takes to get rid of you forever.  Mom is coming with me tomorrow and we are going to deal with you and then we are going to share a nice lunch together and hopefully the weather will be sunny and warm so we can cruise in my screw cancer fun car with the top down and work on our tan and our singing skills of course!  I know you hate it when I tell you when I am having fun or what I am planning to enjoy or amuse myself.  Too bad for you.

I believe in so many things, most of all I believe in me. 

I can beat you !


You know who.