The Old Man…

This post was written on Sat Mar 10.

The morning was relaxation time. Rick kept cool in the air conditioning on a big comfy chair, searching the internet with ideas of where our Florida journey may take us next. I, on the other hand lathered up in delicious coconut smelling suntan lotion and headed outside for my medicine of soaking up the sun’s light and energy. My freckles have surfaced again on my face. I no longer hate them like when I was a little girl. There is actually a quote I like, “A sky without stars is like a face without freckles.”  I am definitely solar-powered.

We spent mid afternoon to late evening down on Duval Street and Mallory Square which is basically the happening place in Key West. It’s at the southern most place in North America. The crowds were gathered at the docks. I marvelled with the sheer number of people that were there just like us to simply watch the sun set. It was a beautiful sunset and sailboats, houseboats, jet skis and many other watercraft seemed to all perfectly align themselves at the precise moment for the optimal photograph. I have never seen so many people take photos of the sun. It gave me shivers all over when the crowd started to clap and celebrate as the last bit of the bright orange ball sunk behind the clowds and under the line of the ocean. I did at that moment feel so connected to Earth and all of it’s beauty. I hate that this beautiful moment brought such an overwhelming thought to my mind of “Oh God, please allow me to witness many more of these”. We were entertained by several street performers and of course some shopping. Rick was so patient as I searched for a pretty white summer dress. I can’t wait to wear it. I love that he likes to shop too.

I visited a palm reader. I have never had my palms read. I thought, let’s see if this brick house that I carry on my back will surface in the reading. I am skeptical, but I do believe that some people genuinely have special gifts, so I tried it out.

The old man had long grey hair and a long grey beard and eyebrows to match. His eyes were more brown than mine and he had extremely long eyelashes. His eyes were kind. He concentrated more on my right hand and I had hoped that he would tell me more about my left hand where I am pretty sure our life line is. My life line breaks in two, half way down my palm. It is cut short like a big fork in the road. Is this ironic? (insert shoulder shrug here)

As he runs his fingers over my hands, back and forth a few times, the first words he says are, “you are a very stubborn woman, nothing gets in your way and once you set your mind to something you do everything possible to accomplish it”. Shivers here again. Those of you who know me wouldn’t argue this statement. Later on toward the end of the session he mentioned this stubborn word again. All I could think to myself was “that’s right buddy, screw cancer”.

My attention pauses for a moment as I glance at this wandering rooster strolling around us. He is pretty or should I say handsome? Yes, a rooster. His feathers are so shiny. Is it the reflection from the full moon? They (roosters) seem to appear randomly through Key West, walking across the streets on sidewalks, etc. Huh??? He (the old man who looks like a wizard I think) also said that I would have one great love in my lifetime and that at some point our relationship will be severely tested. He said he couldn’t determine whether the stressor would be on my behalf or my partner’s. (we all know what he’s referring to here don’t we) He said that the stressor would not end our relationship and we will be able to work through it. (I know that if anything our relationship is stronger than ever due to the stressor that we deal with)

I was choked up when he told me something else that I already know. He said that I am very intuitive. I see and notice things that most people don’t tune in to. He said you can walk into a place and feel like you have been there before or that you will see or feel something that talks to you on a spiritual level. Yep, he was absolutely right. One word came to my mind. Angels.

“When you love someone, you give all of yourself and more”. “You will do anything for someone you love and you will sacrifice and give of your time to assist when you are needed even if it is not asked of you”. “On the other hand, because you love so deeply, when someone hurts you, you will hurt more deeply”. I immediately think of two dear friends that walked away from our friendship shortly after my diagnosis. I hurt every day and think of them every day. I forgive them of course but this feeling of abandonment overwhelms me and I grieve for what once was.

He also said he doesn’t like how my lungs look, I need to get them checked out. (my tumours are near my lungs, plus there is a questionable spot on my right lung…hmmm)

Some other statements were way off, but I choose to believe that he was able to truly read parts of me. I am not sorry I visited him.  I had asked Rick if he would sit through the reading with me as my back up plan because I know I will not remember all of the things that this man will say to me.  Rick obliges and does well for the first little bit and then all of a sudden he gets up and moves away.  I am annoyed because I think he is seeing something like a cool sight on the main street like, bikini babes maybe?  God I hope I can remember everything.  After my palm reading wraps up, I asked Rick what was so interesting that he had to get up and leave?  He said, “Sorry, it got a little emotional for me.”  At that moment I felt very little inside.  Forgetting that perhaps my Rock may turn to pebbles at times too.  I am so sad at this very moment.  I see another rooster.  We continue on our way to enjoy our evening in Key West, the best way we know how.  Together. 

We are leaving Key West tomorrow and heading north toward Key Largo & Miami, will likely stay the night in Hollywood. (I didn’t know that Forida had a Hollywood) We plan to stop for lunch in Marathon (half way between Key West & Miami as the annual Seafood Festival is happening today and the shrimp, crab and lobster are plentiful! I am comprimising my vegetarian lifestyle for seafood while we are in the south and enjoying some of it. Seafood only, that’s where I draw the line. I am fueling up with a different type of protein for the future mess that my body will be going through in a couple of weeks once chemotherapy begins. It’s like spring training for the big fight.

I am heading for bed now and I am tirelessly trying to recall all the things that the old man told me. Frustration is setting in because my mind has already forgotten some of it. I hate chemo brain. I wanted to write more about what he told me, it is forever lost.